I would first like to say that, as I write this post, the Golden Girls are on. The girls are worried about Rose being addicted to painkillers. A very important episode with a very important message: drugs just make some people more tolerable
So, I was in Creative Loafing this week. It's weird. I haven't been in the paper since I was in high school. I recently reconnected with this music journalist I know because of a professional gig. Late one night we got to talking and he asked me to be the subject of this recurring, inconsequential piece in the music section. It was all very spontaneous, and it had to be done by the next morning. I said sure. I pretty much had free range with the topic, though I ended up going with something he threw out upfront: I had to come up with five things bands should not do.
It was fun and came very naturally. I gave him my list, and he wrote a little intro profile and punctuated each of my points. The next day, I asked him to send it to me - what he turned in to be published. He told me that he never let people see the articles before they ran. From his experience, people inevitably don't like something and want to make a change. But for me, he would make an exception. Of course. Of course. I wouldn't have any gripes.
But of course. Of course. There was something I didn't like. Two little, very powerful words that I felt portrayed me as intimidating and unapproachable. "Bitingly caustic." It wouldn't have been a big deal other than the fact that I was specifically being identified as the publicity & promotions rep for a local club who is very image-conscious at the moment.
I never aked him to change it. I just couldn't do it. I already felt like one of those women who say, "Does this make my ass look big? Tell me. I promise I won't get mad." But then they get mad anyway. What can I say? I'm a cliche.
No, I couldn't. I did, however, passionately communicate my apprehension about the image being projected and why it mattered. Beyond that, if he wanted to change it, it was up to him. Graciously, he obliged me and did a little editing, though I'm sure he regretted ever making the exception for me. I basically reinforced what he already knew. Still, I was very thankful for the consideration.
The end result:
REAL LIFE TOP FIVE: THE LADY LOVE
The Lady Love is the new publicity and promotions rep at ... She sorts through tons of band press kits and promo packs daily. Here, she offers some constructive criticism and advice for hopeful - and, in some cases, hopeless - musicians.
1) Avoid John Mayer "Do not drop the John Mayer bomb. Every musician in this city has either played with him, opened for him, shared the stage with him, or sounds like him. Sorry, but it doesn't make you special."
2) Don't Be A Name Dropper "Do not drop more than 10 names of bands you've opened for in your bio. It's tacky and implies you'll never be more than an opening act."
3) Don't Get A "Heart" On "Please, please, please do not ever say during a performance, 'This next song comes straight from the heart.' It's tired. 'This next song comes straight from the groin would be better - or at least funnier.'"
4) Stay At Least Semi-Sober "Don't get so drunk on stage that you can't play your own music. It's a bad sign when your fans start asking the venue for their money back."
5) It Shouldn't Matter If There Are 3 or 3000 "Don't get pissy if only three people come to your show. Having a bad attitude on stage due to 'low voter turnout' will only alienate the three paying fans you actually do, or did, have."
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That's all folks.
~ the lady love
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