On The Topic Of Breeding

I visited my sister this weekend. She birthed a baby recently. His name is Micah. Being with them made me think a lot. I learned something, too - three-month olds cannot sit up on their own. Found that out the hard way. Yeah.

Anyway, I've never really thought that I wanted children - pretty much since I was about 13. And people always give me the whole "oh, you'll change your mind" spiel, which I always acknowledge the slight possibility that, sure, I might change my mind someday, but not likely. It's the only reason I haven't had my tubes tied yet. Fact is, the most compelling thing for me about having a child would be naming it and dressing it. Seriously.

Then this weekend I had that feeling of being wowed by motherhood. It makes me admire and respect my sister so, sooo much, and I completely fall in love with that kid with every smile and coo. It made me contemplate for a quick minute that, if I wanted it, I could have it so easily. I could give life, steward it, give love, have that exclusive relationship between a parent and a child, etc. Man, that would be incredible.

But then the reality of it hits me. I do not have what it takes to be a mother. When you have a child, your life - in every action - becomes about taking care of them. (I know, I'm so very deep. Aren't you glad you have me to enlighten you with such profound thoughts?) Anyway, it's just not something I want to do, and I for damn sure wouldn't go it alone. I can't even imagine how difficult it would be to be a single mother. Sure, it might be selfish of me, but who cares? There's no mandate that I have to procreate, and at least I recognize this fact before I spit one out. I also don't feel like being childless will keep me from having a full life experience.

Then it occurred to me: I'm not entirely anti-kid. Should the right person come along, I just might be up for doing the family thing - but with one stipulation, of course. I couldn't be the primary caregiver. I'd have to have myself a Mr. Mom, and I'd be fine with a man who wanted to fulfill that role. I just can't (or won't), but I do feel very strongly about the primary caregiver of my hypothetical child being raised by myself and my partner. I know folks gotta do what they gotta do to provide for their families, but for me, it's how it'd have to be. Call me old-fashioned.

So yeah, I'll probably be a spinster when I grow up, and when I'm old, everyone can gossip about what must've been wrong with me to end up an old maid. Oh well. Such is life. But I'm okay with it.

~ the lady love