I Take It Back

I would like to offer a complete and utter retraction of the following letter sent in January 2005 to somebody who didn't deserve it then and now realize never deserved me at all.

Dear John ~

I'm glad that you said what I finally needed to hear. It pierced me like a thousand daggers, but I can handle the truth much better than half truths, which swirl in my head like mad confusion. Until today I wasn't able to let go of the hope that you could see me the way I saw you.

My eyes brighter. My smile bigger. My cold nights warmer. My step lighter. My body electric. Before you came, they already were. Bright. Big. Warm. Light. Electric. You gave me life superlative. Thank you.

Love goes wrong. Life goes on. Alliteration abounds. Notice how a cycle is round? I got while the getting was good. But too bad so sad. The getting was never meant to be had.

Im damaged for sure, but not for good. It's hearbreaking that you didn't want what I wanted to give. But please hold on to it. It was meant for you. But until I can stop mourning the loss of what it could've been, I can't appreciate it for what it was. It may take sixty seven years. Right now sixty seven lifetimes may not even be enough.

I saw angry oceans to charter. Mountains to marvel. Laughter to stir belly aches. Conversations to brandish headaches. Tears to drown heartaches. Big skies and dirt roads tucked behind billows of our dust.

I caught a glimpse. It was lovely.

I hope you can learn to love yourself as much as you deserve to. As much as I do. Maybe then you'll be able to embrace it when it comes to you from the outside. It doesn't make life. It just makes life sweeter.

~ love