Aaaargh!

I have spent about six hours working on one image. I've shot and re-shot. I was up until 6am working on it. I am so close. I've been SO CLOSE ten times already. I'm getting very frustrated. Wimper.

~the lady love

I'm Straddling the Fence of the Law

So I got a letter from the IRS today that states legal action is pending against me. Apparently they didn't receive my 1st quarter 2005 estimated tax filing, which has happened before, so I guess they're trying to make a point that I can't fuck around with them. I guess I could go to jail? I don't really know what happened here, but I'm not too terribly worried since I will easily be able to clear this up. However, a stint in the pokey might not be so bad... I could take a break from life and make somebody my bitch.

On a more positive note, I met these guys a couple of weeks ago who saw some of my photography. Word has spread since then, and apparently, it has spread to some big time gallery owner in Atlanta who now wants to meet me. Supposedly this guy is known for showing some high profile artists. I'm not getting too excited over this news yet. I mean, the man just wants to meet me, and to be honest, I think I am a pretty good photographer, but I definitely don't think I am great by any means.

But, here's my latest installment of a series I am working on inspired by the lyrics of the great Myshkin, which I actually DO think is pretty great:

Now a black mood is upon me
I'll sit in mourning awhile
For the truth comes and goes
Like a traveling show
But the blame sleeps with me every night

~ Lyrics by Myshkin from the song "Rosebud Bullets" from the record "Rosebud Bullets" / Photo by the lady love



It will be interesting to see how things unfold.

~the lady love

I Am My Own Worst Enemy, Sometimes

One thing I know about myself for sure: too much sleep depresses the hell out of me. So what did I do today? I slept. ALL DAY. I finally got up around 8pm to find myself in a hollow of despair, but I did it to myself. I was supposed to go to visit my parents today, and I spent all day calling between sleep cycles to say, "I'll be there later" until finally at eight I called and said, "I'll be there tomorrow." So, they're pissed at me, too, feeling like I am blowing them off because I haven't seen them in two months since they came to Atlanta to celebrate my 30th birthday. My own guilt about this little fact is not helping my mindset, though I am not blowing them off; I love them. This despressive state is just a cycle that continuously feeds itself.

I will force it shortlived.

I'll start anew tomorrow, crawl out of this hole, and try not to get more than 6 hours of sleep a night to keep my mind healthy.

~the lady love

How's Untitled for a Title?

Tonight I was a Real photographer. A designer who works for one of my clients asked me to shoot a charity "gala" about a month ago. Sure, why not I thought. I won't be paid, but hey, I could use it as a tax write-off. I arrived at the event with a very casual attitude. No big deal.

Until I realized this wasn't just any ole charity event.

Upon arrival, I picked up a program to see the Governor's name on the cover as a chairperson and his name inside the program, as well as the Lt. Governor and the Mayor of Atlanta as part of the presentation. Turns out, this was no small potatoes event. 500 people or so at the Atlanta History Center to honor a local charity that has been around for well over 100 years. The former first lady of the city was there, apparently a big contributor, as were many other "important" people in attendance. Now, the status of the people matter little to me as I believe people are people regardless of their social and/or political rank, but I think it demonstrates the magnitude of the event.

I actually shot this 5-hour event by myself, and I don't mind saying that I did one hell of a job. My name was even in the program as a contributor. Cool.

The event itself was fantastic. I even got a little tear-y at moments (there were some genuine heartfelt moments). But at the end of the night, I couldn't help but laugh and shake my head about how I ended up there with no clue as to what I was in store for.

My-oh-my how life is interesting. Despite feeling completely bored by it (life) sometimes, it somehow manages to keep surprising me.

Ding Dong My Roommate's Gone!

Living with people is hard. I've lived with people. I've lived alone. I've lived with people again. Then I've lived alone again. Throw in one more round for the people in the cheap seats in the back. God it's good to live alone again.

My roommate just moved out of state three weeks ago. Dear, dear friend. Pretty good roommate. Really never any problems. But I don't even miss her, and she's not only gone, she is far gone. I know I will eventuallly miss my friend, but I was suffocating. Right now I can't help but relish the fact that I can breathe again. Of course, our place was a glorified dorm room as I liked to call it. Tiny.

The night before she moved out, I got a hotel room because I just couldn't take it any more. Just Her in my Space. Her money problems being my financial burden. Her issues becoming, in a way, my issues. Our energy morphing into each other's energy simply due to proximity. I felt like her mother in a way, and I am not codependent. Ha, maybe that was the problem (that I am not codependent). I couldn't take feeling like I was merged with somebody that I didn't want to merge with.

I like to inspire people. I like to show friends a good time. I like to be supportive. I like to listen and proffer thoughts, wisdom, comfort. But that's my choice, and when I can't choose my choice because it becomes Expected or Needed, then I start to feel oppressed.

I can only live my life. I can't live someone else's for them.

~ the lady love